Unnatural
by Croutonic Sarcasm
Summary: Death Note, One-shot, L/Light. Light believes that being gay is utterly unacceptable, and is depressed. L finds out and seeks to change his view.


**Author's Note: Oh, it's my first story! I'm so excited. I'm not going to write a bunch of random stuff, like 'please review!', but, um, that would be nice. =D**

**I don't even know when it happened, I just know that it has. It has taken over most of thoughts, occupying my mind with ceaseless annoyance. It's always there; if not at the forefront of my thoughts, somewhere in the back. It will never leave me in peace. I am bound by the emotion; tighter and more inescapable than the handcuffs that L had put upon my wrist not too long ago. **

**I am unsure when the change in thoughts took place, but I know what the new thoughts are. It is completely unlike me...and I loathe myself for it. I do not **_**care**_** for the detective! At least, that is what I tell myself. I lie to the world, what's one more little lie? It won't make or break me. But still, the question remains, so insistant and unrelenting; would he care for me, should I give him the chance?**

**It matters not. I will never give him the opportunity. Knowing L, he would use it to his own advantage to attempt to prove that I am indeed Kira. It is not unlike myself, so I cannot blame him too much, I too would use such valuable information to get a confession out of a suspect. He would never believe me as Raito Yagami. All he would ever be able to see would be Kira, the 'mass murderer'. But he's wrong. I'm not Kira.**

**I stared at him, unable to force myself to look away from L, who was sleeping peacefully in his chair next to the bed. **_**These thoughts are wrong! **_**I berated myself. **_**Males do not like other males! And he's twenty-five! Even if it was right, he's too old! It would be statutory rape, even if it was consentual!**_

**And thus, my morning began. After a week of having to sleep in a chair when I couldn't work on the Kira case anymore, I forced L to let me sleep in a real bed. The chain between those handcuffs was long enough for me to ley down on the bed and L to sit in his peculiar way in a chair next to the bed, his laptop on the sidetable so he could continue to work while I slumbered.**

**It suprised me this morning to see him asleep as well. He always seemed to be more than a regular person, never needing to rest, just eating constantly and always incredibly sweet. Even the smell of his food made me feel like I was on a sugar-high. But he was a normal human like the rest of us, apparently. **

**L looked so calm, his calculating, onyx eyes closed softly. Even his hair, messy as it was, was more relaxed and less crazy than it usually is. His breath was regular and even; he really wasn't awake, it wasn't a lie. It was beyond me how he managed to stay upright in his crouch while he was unconscious. A strand of his hair was in his face, raven black constrasting sharply with his marble white skin. It moved slightly with his breathing, swaying in front of his face and back, brushing it tenderly before swinging back out again.**

**I sat up quietly, careful not to disturb the detective, cursing the soft **_**clink**_** of the chain, silencing it quickly. L didn't move as much as an inch. I brushed my own hair, chestnut brown, out of my face. L was so child-like with his eyes closed, his piercing gaze hidden from view. The circles under his eyes made him look rather tired all the time, but I knew it was just an effect from his insomniac habits.**

**Without a thought of what could happen should he wake, I reached my arm out to move that piece of hair out of his face and tucked it gently with the rest of his hair, where it stayed securely. I couldn't resist running my hand down his face, marveling at how soft and cold his skin felt. How I wished I could hold him and wa- **_**No!**_** I realized what I was doing and jerked my hand away like I'd been burned. **

**I have been thinking about L more than I should, in ways I should never think about another male. It worried me slightly, was I wrong in other ways as well? But I could never stop thinking about him like that, that faint, unquenchable hope that he might like me too. He never gave a sign that he did, but neither did he ever give a sign that it wouldn't be appreciated. I have never heard him talk about a past lover, male or female, so that hope I had, perverse and wrong as it was, would live as long as he did.**

**It didn't help that I'd had a erotic dream about him the night before. He had kissed me and pushed me on the same bed I laid upon now. He hadn't spoken much, but I didn't want to hear his voice, I heard it every day. He had gone on to touch me, making me want such sinful things, then he took me in the most loving- the most terrible way a person could ever have sex. But as much as I tried to deny it...I knew I wanted to feel his hands on me, to feel his lips on mine, hear him moan and say my name in that sweet voice.**

**I would not let that happen. I could not let myself want such a disgusting desire. I hated myself for it, and I never let myself forget it. Being chained to L changed the way I showed my hate; from deep cuts across my wrist to mental barrages towards myself. I thought I saw him see the scars one day; his eyes had widened and I'd covered my wrist quickly, muttering something about falling. He never asked me about it, so I assumed he believed me.**

**"Raito-kun is awake?" I snapped my head up at the sound of his voice, drawn from my reverie to see L chewing his thumb and looking at me with that stoic impassive mask I wish I could use. I nodded in answer. "Does Raito-kun wish to shower before he begins work on the Kira case again?"**

**Yet again, all I could do was nod, hoping my thoughts, my dirty, horrible thoughts wouldn't show on my face. He stood, moving smoothly from the chair with the grace of a dancer, slouching with his hands on his pockets. We walked in silence towards the bathroom, pausing only for me to get a new outfit from the dresser. Seeing as how I was chained to L, my father had brought my clothes here for convenience.**

**In the bathroom, I waited as L undid the cuffs, catching mine as it fell to the ground in a quick fluid motion. He left, and I closed and locked the door. The only reason I was allowed to be unchained in the bathroom was that there was absolutely no way for me to leave. There was no window, the room itself was tiny, and the only door was guarded by L on the other side. I dropped my clothes to the floor and stepped into a hot shower, watching the steam fog up the mirror. I never wanted to see myself anyway.**

**I let the hot water flow down my body, in a way, cleansing myself of those thoughts. As I washed, I saw the scars I had left on my wrist; dark and rather fascinating in a morbid way. Instead being mad that I had done such damage to myself, I was oddly proud, a way to say "Look at what I've done, see what I've gone through! You won't break me." I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of the water rushing down to the drain in the floor.**

**All too soon, I left the shower and dryed myself off, putting my clothes on piece by piece, taking my time. By the time I was putting the tie on, the mirror had unfogged so I could adjust it. As I did so, I saw a blur move behind me, startling me. I spun around to see who it was, but nothing was there. I turned back to look at the mirror and jumped with a yelp. L was standing there.**

**I took deep breaths. trying to calm my rabbit-fast heartrate. "R-Ryuuzaki. You- why are you here?" I asked in a rather sharp tone, leaning against the sink, one hand on it to steady myself from falling.**

**L merely looked at me from the top of his eyes, his head tilted down from his slouch. Though his clothes were baggy and far too large for the thin man, it was easy to tell that his body was not weak. He had strength in those wiry muscles, and the ver faint outline of some of those muscles in his chest could be seen, his shirt collar dipping lower than it would if it were the correct size. As I appraised this, he answered in his monotone voice. "Raito-kun was in the shower for too long and I was..." He pondered which word to use. "Curious...to see why he was taking such time."**

**I frowned, glaring at him. "That's none of your business."I returned my gaze to the mirror, wrenching my eyes away from his supple body. I began to redajust my tie once more, knocked askew as it was from jumping. After a minute of fighting with it, I realized that I really needed to just redo the knot itself. I refused, fighting with it for a few more minutes futily.**

**Finally, L put a spider-like hand over my own, making me freeze instantly. "Perhaps Raito-kun needs some help?" He asked, a hint of amusement in the tone of his voice. I released the offending material, allowing L to undo the knot that had resulted. He slid it off my neck, the feeling of the silk slipping by, even through my shirt, raising goosebumps on my neck. My hands dropped from my neck to my side and I turned, leaning against a wall, my left hand resting on the sink.**

**When I saw L, I wanted to laugh, but only a smile broke through. L had the tie around his own neck, tying it slowly, like he had forgotten how to, but was remembering. He felt my eyes, and looked up. "I can only tie a tie upon my own neck." He said by by of explanation, and returned to the tie. It was comical to see the man, wearing blue jeans and a long-sleeve white shirt tying a tie around his neck.**

**Soon enough, he had tied it correctly. Loosening it, he pulled it over his head and pulled it over mine. He began to tighten it, but I reached up and pushed his hands away; I didn't want him to pull it too tight by accident. He relenquished control and watched me tug on the tie until I was satisfied. Since I had not yet done my hair, I faced the mirror one more time.**

**"Raito-kun is very careful of how he appears, is he not?" I just nodded curtly, using a brush that looked like it had never been used to straighten my hair. Turning to see the back of my head, I switched the brush to my left hand and began to fix the back. I was nearly done when I felt his hand grasp my wrist tightly. **

**"What the- let go!" I tried to tug my hand free, but his grip was suprisingly strong and I couldn't get free. He brough my hand down and pulled the brush out of my hand and set it down by the sink, turning my hand over. My eyes widened as I realized what he was doing and redoubled my efforts to make him release my wrist. Luckily, the sleeve of my shirt still covered the hidden scars. With a jerk of my hand, I was free. I held my arm close to my chest, looking at L as if I thought he were mad. "What did you do that for, Ryuuzaki?"**

**L had his mask of indifference upon his face, but I could see anger and some other emotion I couldn't identify in his eyes. "I thought I saw something on Raito-kun's wrist, I was merely checking to be sure that Raito-kun is alright."**

**"I'm fine." I spat, letting my arm fall to my side. "Thank you for your concern." I added sarcastically, believing he would leave it at that. He didn't answer, and I went to leave. He was in the way, however, and I had to brush past him, hating how I wanted to do more than just walk past. As I did so, he caught my right hand, stopping me, and still facing the opposite way and not looking towards me at all.**

**"If Raito-kun is unhappy with something, he may speak to me about anything. Does Raito-kun understand?" L asked, not letting go.**

**"Yeah, I understand." I muttered, and my hand was released, albeit after I heard the clank of a chain and felt the handcuff on my wrist again. **

**He walked out with me as I dumped my dirty clothes into a clothes basket. From there, my day was like any other; working tirelessly to find the murderer that was responsible for deaths of criminals worldwide. **

**A few days passed, each like the one before, until I once against insisted sleeping in a proper bed. As before, when I laid down, I heard the clack of the keys, a lullaby to my tired ears. In a way, it did have its own rythym, and I feel asleep to dream of L. I woke up about eight the next morning, on my left side and facing L, who was staring at me oddly. It took me a minute to understand why. My left wrist was not under the safe cover of the pillow, or even the blanket, it was resting on the bed, right by the pillow and palm up. My pajama sleeve had shifted during the night, allowing the dark scars to show.**

**I instantly moved to slide my wrist under the pillow, but L pinned my arm down to the bed, just below the marks left by the razor. I moved to sit up and thus get his arm and eyes away from my past, but he was too quick and leapt from the chair he was in to the bed, straddling me to hold me down. My eyes widened and I'm sure I blushed at least a little, but L wasn't looking at my face.**

**Here it was, my dream shattered by reality. L was on top of me, his hips right above mine, but not in the way I'd fantasized over. No, he was staring at my wrist. I didn't fight; it was useless when I couldn't move but to turn my head away and refused to meet his eyes.**

**"Why did Raito-kun hurt himself like this?" L said, actual concern in his voice. I just answered snappily.**

**"It's none of your damn business, Ryuuzaki!" I squirmed, trying to get my wrist away and out of his sight. Noone should see those scars but me.**

**"It most certainly is, Raito-kun. If he is hurt, I shall not allow it to continue. Raito-kun is my first friend, and I care for him." How hard it was to keep my mask up and not show my hope that he could care for me like I did for him.**

**"It doesn't matter. You just think I'm Kira, you don't give a damn about me." My voice started out strong, getting softer and softer, the end nearly inaudible. I was sure L had heard though. I just knew he had. I closed my eyes, hating what I had said, but hating more the way I'd said it; so dejectedly and so emotion filled.**

**I heard silence for a few minutes, then. "Raito-kun is wrong. I care for him very much." And then I felt his lips connect with mine, a soft tantalizing brush that was waiting for permission to continue. Against my will, I reached up to kiss him more, my head in clouds, unable to believe that this could be happening. He released my arms, his hands curling around my head, holding me close. My arms snaked around to hold him tightly, never wanting to let go.**

**He licked my bottom lip, wanting entrance to my mouth. I resisted for a second, remebering how wrong this was, how disgusting, but then he did it again, and my jaw released, allowing him to explore my mouth. His tongue flicked everywhere, fighting for dominance with my own. Neither winning, I timidly reached to put mine in his mouth, and he instantly let me in. Teasing, he got me to be more bold, loving the taste of him. I gave my tongue freedom to do as it wished; I stopped thinking of how wrong it was. I reached deeper and he closed his lips around my tongue, sucking gently, then more roughly. I moaned, arching so very slightly to him.**

**We broke the kiss at the same time, needing to breathe. Taking deep breathes, I stared at the man on top of me. He was so beautiful, if the word could be used for a male...a male. I squirmed, trying to break free, feeling sick at the thought of what I had just done.**

**L looked at me, worry showing in his dark eyes. "Is Raito-kun alright?" He asked, still holding me in an embrace. **

**I shook my head furiously, feeling tears threaten at the edge of my vision. "No! This is- this is so wrong! Disgusting! I can't- I can't want this!" I arched my back, trying to throw him off.**

**L was suprised and was nearly bucked off, but he managed to hold his balance. "No, Raito-kun, it is not. It is perfectly normal."**

**"No, it's not! It's unnatural!" I fought with every fiber of my being, atempting to push him away with my hands, shoving with all my strength for what felt like forever, until I was too tired to do any more. I had exhausted myself fighting, and still, I had lost.**

**"Raito-kun is calling this unnatural?" L said calmly, still atop of me. "This is not. It is unnatural to love someone of the same sex?" For all the tone change in to voice, he could of been cleaning his nails, examining a particularly screwed up fingernail.**

**"Yes!" I practically shouted. "It's wrong! It's not right!" A tear rolled down my face, and L stooped down to lick it off my face. I recoiled, turning my face and closing my eyes as he continued to lick every drop that fell from my eyes. **

**"Raito-kun is wrong. This is perfectly normal, if only he would let himself enjoy it." He whispered in my ear, his silken voice insinuating it's way into my mind, leaving golden lies that I wished I could accept. I shook my head, refusing, closing my eyes to the vision on top of me. "Let me prove you wrong, Raito-kun." L continued. He kissed me again, but I didn't respond. Seeming to not mind, he just trailed his way down my neck, kissing it the whole time and leaving a trail of fire. He stopped at the hollow of my neck, and licked it.**

**I gasped, my eyes flying open. **_**H-how dare he?! I told him n-n-nmmmnn... **_**My thoughts tapered off as I moaned when he bit me gently. I arched to it, wanting him to bite me again. It hurt, but by God, it felt so good too.**

**He moved to my shoulder and bit me again, but this time much harder. "Oooohh...." I shook, and my eyes closed as the pain blended with the pleasure, making me want him. Then, L sat back up, and I didn't feel his tongue on me anymore. For a second, I regretted it, then I remembered why I hated it, why I **_**had**_** to hate it. I was Catholic.**

**L moved off of me, the pressure released. I sat up instantly, opening my eyes and pulling my legs up so he couldn't do it again. L just tilted his head, looking as perfect as ever as he sat in the chair near the bed. He bit his thumb, then looked down my body. I shivered at the x-ray gaze, then blushed scarlet when he looked at my obvious arousal, my pants too tight between my legs.**

**"Raito-kun enjoyed it, did he not?" He asked calmly, moving those onyx eyes back to my own. I looked away instantly, refusing to meet the truth there. **

**"No." I muttered, bringing my legs together to hide my erection. I hated him at that moment, I truly did. He made feel like no other had done before, and I detested him for it, loathed him, even. I could of killed him right then. But above all that, beyond all the animosity towards L, it was nothing compared to how I felt towards myself.**

**I really, really wanted my razor, like I never had before. I just- I had to, it would help, make my mind clear from all this confusion. The sweet sting of pain covering all emotions, a hiss of breath at the feeling and the blood pooling in the sheets. If only...If only it was truly alright. If it wasn't forbidden, if I wouldn't be struck down by God...I would pull L, Ryuuzaki, on top of me and revel in the feeling.**

**L just blinked after I denied it, hiding my physical feeling poorly. "Raito-kun's body does not lie."**

**"Yeah, well, I don't wanna talk about it!" I snarled back, feeling depressed. L stared at me for a minute more, almost as if his dark eyes could penetrate my soul. I was uncomfortable with the gaze and lowered my own once more.**

**"Very well." L replied, turning towards the computer. He typed on for a good ten minutes, in which I slowly recollected myself. I took a deep breath. I simply had to be more secretive now, and I couldn't let him know any more. I-**

**My thoughts were interrupted once again. "Why does Raito-kun hurt himself?" He asked. His tone was calm it made me want to punch him. The man was infuriating, never showing emotion. He hadn't cared about me during that kiss, he just wanted to prove his point.**

**I glared at him in what I hope was a murderous way. "I don't want to talk about it." I answered, each word coming out between my teeth, sharp and distinct. I stood up, ignoring the soft **_**clink**_** of the handcuffs. **

**"There is no reason for Raito-kun to be so defenseive. I shall not judge him. I wish to understand Raito-kun better, and by extension, Kira." At that, I exploded. **

**"I'M NOT KIRA!" I screamed, my fists clenched at my sides. "When will you realize this, Ryuuzaki?!"**

**L nibbled on his thumb, thinking. "I wish to know whether Kira expresses his self-loathing through the murder of criminals, putting his own feelings onto others in order to make himself feel better." He said, sounding slightly surprised at my reaction, his eyes a millimeter wider than normal.**

**I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and counting to ten. "Ichi, ni, san, shi..." After counting, I took another breath, then opened my eyes, hiding all emotions as effectively as Ryuuzaki himself. "I am not Kira, Ryuuzaki. If you wish to analyze the murderer, by all means, go ahead. **_**But I'm not Kira.**_**"**

**L blinked slowly, then turned towards his computer, typing rapidly. Evidently, the discussion was closed. For now.**

**The days were repetative; wake up, shower, put on clothes, look for Kira, eat a little during the day, look for Kira more, then go to sleep. A few days after the last incident, L decided to broach the subject again.**

**"Why is Raito-kun so insistant in claiming that he does not like me?" He asked as I got into bed for the night, changed into comfortable pajamas. I rolled my eyes.**

**"Ryuuzaki. I just **_**don't**_**. There's no lying about it." I got under the cover, pulling it under my arms and rolling to face L. "When will you drop it?"**

**L shook his head. "Let me rephrase that." He paused. "Why would Raito-kun deny an attraction to another male?"**

**I frowned. He had worded it in such a way that it would be odd to not answer. "I'm Catholic."**

**L turned in his swivel chair to face me, his hands on his knees. "Catholic?" I nodded. He looked at his knees for a moment. "Where in the Bible does it condemn love?"**

**I was taken aback for a second, then got back in full swing. "It doesn't comdemn love, it condemns men from lying with one another. For example, the destroyed city of Sodom?" I added, knowing he would catch the implication of the word 'sodomy', the technical term for anal sex.**

**"It does not forbid from women with lying with other women, why must it deny men from lying with men?" He asked, seeming to be genuinely curious. I cursed mentally; why ask me?**

**"Because homosexuality is forbidden for men **_**and**_** women." I replied, brushing back a stray piece of hair.**

**"The Bible says that a woman may do anything she needs to feed her children, correct? If the person she loves can support her children is a woman, is that wrong?" He asked, displaying knowledge of the Bible I didn't think he had.**

**I blinked. "If you put it that way...no?" I thought that was the right answer, the Bible did say that a woman must support her children at any cost.**

**"Then why can a man not love another? Surely Raito-kun do not say that there is a double standard in today's world." He added, knowing my (honestly) sexist views.**

**"I-..." I hesitated, then spoke rapidly. "It's unnatural for a man to sleep with another, a woman is made to be man's other half, and a man should not...well, stick it wheere it doesn't belong." I said, wishing there was a better way to put it.**

**L's eyes clouded. "What does Raito-kun mean?"**

_**Oh, God, Ryuuzaki, you can't be that naive.**_** I took a breath, readying myself for an uncomfortable statement. "A man is made to fit inside a woman. He is not made to fit inside another male, a male just isn't made to receive sex."**

**L got it then, his eyes lighting up with understanding. "Oh? Raito-kun believes that a man and a man cannot have relations with mutual pleasure?" He queried.**

**I flushed. "Well...no." As far as I knew, both males couldn't have pleasure in anal sex; a woman didn't feel pleasure there, so why would a man?**

**L's expression held a ghost of a smile. "Tell me, Raito-kun. What is the prostate in a male for?"**

**I was slightly nonplussed at the non sequiter. "What?" Where on earth had that question come from?**

**L's smile grew slightly, looking sly. "Does Raito-kun not know of the prostate's uses?" I shook my head, my brow furrowed. I was completely puzzled. "Raito-kun, when two males have relations, the dominant male aims to hit the submissive's prostate." I blinked, still confused. "The prostate, when struck, is...arousing to the sumissive in sexual relations."**

**My eyes widened slightly, sitting up to lean on my hand. "You can't be serious." L simply smiled a little more.**

**"Hai, Raito-kun. Two men may both have pleasure in relations." He summed up his point. "Surely, such a creation inside a man demostrates that he **_**can**_** have relations with another male, for, obviously, a woman cannot strike the prostate inside him." His smiled dimmed and disappeared. **

**"I..." I tried to think of a reason why that couldn't be right, but L stopped me before I came up with anything.**

**"Raito-kun believes God made the world and everything on it, knowing precisely how and why everything works, correct?" I nodded, having a sneaking suspicion where this was going. "Then why would God create the prostate in a male to feel pleasure when touched? The prostate in inside the male; what need would there be for it to be pleasurable?"**

**I was defeated. I couldn't argue. What could I say? L went on. "Furthermore, if everyone has equal opportunity to go to Heaven, and homosexuality is a sin, why would he create homosexuals? Most feel that they have been so from birth, and it is not something they simply decided upon. Would that not make Raito-kun's God cruel and not at all equal?"**

**I laid back down, my gaze lowered. L was right. And besides, who was I to question God? I sighed. "But it's still morally wrong." I mutter petulantly.**

**L sounded annoyed when he answered. "Raito-kun does not want to admit that his arguement is biased, unsupported, and utterly defeated by my own." I raised my eyes to L, feeling pointless. If this was what L wanted, why couldn't he of just said it? Why did he have to crush my words?**

**L hopped down from the chair smoothly, moving to stand by the bed. "Will Raito-kun still deny any attration to another male?"**

**I rolled to lay on my back, staring at the ceiling. I closed my eyes, my head facing away from L. "No." I murmured quietly, almost inaudible.**

**"What did Raito-kun say?" L asked, leaning down to better hear, a hand cupped over his ear.**

**"I said 'No', alright?" I snapped, turning to look at L with a glare. But my frosty stare melted as it met his firey gaze. L leaned down a little more to kiss me softly...and I didn't resist.**

**He deepened it slightly, licking my lip, wanting inside my mouth. I fought for a moment, then gave in, allowing him. He took advantage of it, running it the full length of my mouth, making himself dominant. He broke it, then leapt on the bed lightly, moving to straddle my hips. The feeling was no longer disgusting and forbidden, but rather...welcomed. I circled his neck with my arms, pulling him down to meet my lips again, the sweet taste of his lips something I decided I wouldn't deny.**

**His hands trailed down my body, from my shoulders to the buttons holding the front of the pajamas closed, undoing it button by button. Once undone, he threw it to the side, transferring his tongue from my mouth to lick down my chest, biting my shoulder. I gasped at the feeling, arching slightly with a soft moan. He did it again, my back arching higher, then trailed down my chest, biting the entire time. **

**I was flushed by this time, my breaths shallowing. He didn't look any different, still calm as ever. But he felt different. Where our hips were together, I could feel him beginning to get hard, as well as myself. I ground up against his hips with a moan at the friction. L gasped at the feeling as well, his hands on my shoulders tightening for a second.**

**He pulled on my pants, tugging them off quickly, my boxers following. He stripped himself of clothes too, straddling me again. He paused for a second. "This is not too much for Raito-kun...?"**

**I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak. He moved from my hips, his tongue lapping at my body, going lower and lower, all the way to my length. He looked at me for a minute, my eyes half-lidded with lust. He licked my erection from base to tip, teasing my horribly, with me moaning the entire time, my hands tightening on the sheets. Then, he took me entirely into his mouth, sucking gently at first, but soon increasing the strangth of the vacuum, moving my member in and out of his mouth. At the highest strength of the vacuum, he moved from my base to tip excruciatingly slow. **

**I was moaning almost constantly by now, half formed words escaping my lips. "Ryuu-za-ki!" I moaned, but L released me. I almost whimpered at the loss, looking over to him. He was shuffling things in a dresser drawer, searching for something. After a moment more of looking, he found it and lifted it up. It was never opened lubricant.**

**My eyes widened a bit. "L-lubricant?" I asked, my voice a bit too high to be completely calm. He blinked, walking back over.**

**"I will be as gentle as I can be with Raito-kun." He said softly. I was scared, honestly. How was **_**he**_** going to fit in **_**me**_**?! I mean, I admit, I was curious, but, looking at his length (not small, that Ryuuzaki), it was terrifying. Ryuuzaki saw my fear. "Raito-kun will not hurt terribly. He will feel pleasure soon." He promised.**

**I took a breath, still nervous, but nodded my agreement. L got back on the bed, undoing the top of the little lubricant bottle. He poured some on his hand, and, spreading my legs apart gently, slipped a finger inside.**

**The feeling was odd, foreign. It hurt a little, but not unduly so, and it didn't feel right either. Then, L slipped another finger in. I hissed at the pain that time. It hurt considerably more. I felt him moving his fingers around, stretching the tight skin inside of me. He added another finger, stretching still more. By God, it hurt so bad. I bit my lip to keep a tear from falling. After moving around for a second more, he touched something deep inside that made me moan. I arched up, the instinct taking over for a minute. "Oooh!" **

**It still hurt, but it was beginning to subside. I could focus more on the pleasure now, and I did, my moans getting loud. Once he deemed it no longer hurt me terribly, he pulled his fingers out. I panted, waiting, tensing for what I knew would come next.**

**L positioned himself, I could feel the tip of his length touching where he would enter me. "Raito-kun would hurt less if he were to relax."**

**I took the advice, trying to release the tension in my muscles, bit by bit. He noticed, and when I was almost relaxed, pressed inside gently, slowly.**

**At least, that was probably what he thought. To me, it felt so hard and painful, as if he were moving much too fast. I bit my lip, almost drawing blood. He pressed inside millimeter by millimeter until he was completely sheathed inside. There was no movement.**

**I panted, trying to get used to the feeling. It wasn't searing pain anymore, but neither was it not painful. He waited a moment, then slowly pulled back out, then thrust inside. My breath caught, it still hurt, but it was...there was pleasure there too. He did it again, turning it into a gentle rhythm. Then, he thrust a little further in and hit something deep inside.**

**I moaned loudly and my back arched up. "Oh, oh! Again! Do that again!" I said breathlessly.**

**He moved slightly, then pressed in a little harder, a little faster. He struck it again and I arched as before. "Oooh!" The pain began to be replaced with pleasure, almost overpowering it. Sure, it still hurt, but I could look past that and embrace the pleasure.**

**He continued, beginning to moan when he moved faster, thrusting harder. He got faster, and faster until all I felt was sheer ecstacy. I heard him moaning above me, but I also heard my own, mingling into a cacophany of sound. "Oh God, Ryuuzaki!"**

**"Rai-to!" L moaned, but much quieter. It wasn't like he was stifling it, he was just not as vocal. He thrust in hard, hitting my pleasure spot roughly and I practically screamed with pleasure, his name almost intelligable in my utterings. He did it again, and I was nearing my end, I could feel it.**

**"Ah! Oh, Ryuuzaki! I'm gonna- I'm gonna- Ooooohhhhhh..." My warning tapered off into a lengthy moan as white substace relased from the tip of my length, coating L as much as I.**

**I shuddered, the sheer bliss coursing through my body as I collapsed on the bed. I dimly heard L moan my name aloud, then felt him come inside of me, falling to lay on me. After a moment or two, he moved off, pulling out. I felt a strange sense of loss as he left my body, but I didn't look too deeply into that. I moved closer to L, almost cuddling, but not quite.**

**There was a short silence. Then, "Does Raito-kun still believe that there is no pleasure in homosexual relations?"**

**I smiled and laughed once. "No, Ryuuzaki." I moved closer, it was actually kind of cold in the room and L was warm. "I don't." **


End file.
